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Civil servants have revealed an audacious plan to raise money from the never-ending talks at Stormont, by allowing voters to call a special “dirty” phone line and listen in to the politicians at work.

“These talks have been going on for ages, and no one seems to have a clue what’s going on,” we were told by a senior civil servant. substantial issues.” Unsurprisingly, Gerry Adams answered when we tried to listen to Sinn Féin’s Northern Commander Michelle O’Neill. “No one else’s mandate is as big as mine.” “Look at my lovely mandate, don’t look at anyone else’s mandate, look at my mandate,” he continued, before repeating the same phrase in a language similar to Irish.

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